Omg, so tired

There is nothing like taking a nap at 6:30, right after finishing dinner, then waking up long enough to take off my make up, put on my pjs, blog a little bit, then go to bed. Ahhhh. Heaven! 

I left work around 4:45 today, got stuck in some traffic and then stopped at the grocery store. Jack grilled some burgers and Brussel sprouts and that was our night. 

Simple pleasures! 

Hello, November

November. Already.

Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday, is less than three weeks away. I am trying sooooo hard not to type "and we have two less people at our Thanksgiving table this year". Because that is true. Marie, my mother-in-law, and my sister Sue will not be joining us this year, at least not in the physical sense. 

I am so frustrated that whenever I start to blog, it turns out to be all about the losses! I am losing my faithful readers, I am sure. 

But there is that stinkin' grief. It pokes its head out whenever it sees fit. 

Since I have opened the door, I am just going to go ahead and walk through. 

Our Thanksgiving guest list is down 7 people since we first started hosting it. The list: Pawp (1997), Magin (2000), Dane (2005), Tommy (2007), my mom (2011), Marie (2013) and Susie (2014). Added in there is Mike (2011), though he, Sue, Lauren and Brendan always celebrated with Sue's side of the family, Mike and whoever was available, would stop by for appetizers. So let's say 8 family members.

We have never had over 20 people at Thanksgiving, so that is a pretty high percentage. 

I should ask my son-in-law the actuary about those odds. 

Bringing it up....

I have much to be thankful for and know that without a doubt. 

I really really need to blog about the two showers that loving friends threw for Julie and Wayne. 

Bay Village shower

shower at Christy and Steve's

I need to blog about Kjell and  Lisa's wedding and the fact that they are expecting a baby GIRL in March!!!

I need to blog about how hard Jenny is working on Sue's "stuff". Amazingly so! Oh my gosh. 

I need to blog about the very meaningful and special times that we are spending with Bucky. So fun. I can't adequately express how much Jack and I appreciate the time we get to spend with him.

corn and meat casserole in the red dish!

I think what I need to do is just start posting something on here everyday because life is full of so many blessings, including and not limited to, the election results on Tuesday!

Scenes from my day

I have to admit that I have been having a hard time blogging lately. Granted, things have been super busy with weddings, showers, bachelor and bachelorette parties, and  full time work thrown in there as well. But the real issue is that it is difficult to write about fun stuff when I am still processing my sister's death. I am definitely finding  great joy in all the happy times, but I am not taking the time to document them. I am hoping to get my blogging mojo back soon. 

In the meantime, I give you two pictures that I took with my iPhone today. One is the beautiful view out my window at work. I get to look out and see this. 

The second was the "Jesus sky" on my drive home tonight. 

Both pictures are reminders to me of Who is in charge and that brings me great peace. 

Bringing it up with some happy news

I am sorry for neglecting my blog. I feel a responsibility to keep things up to date here and I hate it when I go this long without posting.
I am just not myself yet.
At work on Friday, Ruthanne was checking in with me, asking how I was doing. I told her how I did not feel quite on my game. She equated it to how she felt last year as she waited for news about when she would finally be able to bring home her third son, Wilson, from Haiti. Ruthanne used the word "cloudy" and that is a perfect description of how I feel. Cloudy. That helped and brought me comfort to know she understood.
In the last month, I have neglected to share some of the very happy and positive happenings in my life.

So, in the happy news department, my nephew Kjell got married on October 4th! The wedding was beautiful. Jack officiated!!! Kjell's bride Lisa is a kind and gentle soul. She and her son, Jake, are a great addition to the family and there will be another addition to the family next March as Lisa and Kjell are expecting a baby! Such a blessing!
More happy news on the wedding front....Wayne and Julie's wedding season has begun! Their first shower was scheduled for the day after Sue's memorial service and we went ahead and had it because we knew that was what Suz would have wanted. For certain, no question about it. It was a couples shower at Christy and Steve's, cosponsored by Cath and Mark and Teri and Chuck. It was so incredibly powerful to have mourned with family and close friends on Friday and then to rejoice with many of those same people just 24 hours later. Truly Ecclesiates 3, a time for every purpose under heaven.
Julie and Wayne's wedding season continued this weekend with the bachelor and bachelorette parties. Julie's was in the city last night with about 30 women in attendance. Very fun women!  Wayne's was in Lake Geneva and started late Friday afternoon and continued on throughout the weekend, with guys joining in as their schedules allowed. Jack, as Wayne's best man, took charge of planning the event. From all reports, it was quite a success. One of the highlights was a video montage with snippets of Wayne's life.
I am going to go ahead and stop this post right now as Jack just walked in the door from the weekend and I can't wait to hear all about it!!!
More later!

Life goes on

Yes, it does. Life just keeps going on and I suppose that's a good thing. No, I know that it is a good thing. I would not want the world to end.
Grief is difficult to explain and hard to experience.
I had to go to Hobby Lobby tonight to get some googly eyes for the spiders we are making with the kids tomorrow. Everything I saw reminded me of Susie. Everything. Never mind that Sue was not a crafty sort of girl and we never ever set foot in a Hobby Lobby together. I miss her and so wherever I go, there she is.
Sue's death has hit both me and Jenny hard. A friend asked me why this death has seemingly been harder than some of the others I have experienced.
Hmmmm. Really?? Well, for starters, Sue was my sister. Of my family of origin, there are only 2 of us left. Two. Me and Jen. And we were a family of 7, though my sister Marcia died before I was born. Makes you consider your own mortality. Like, a LOT. And Sue was only 6 years older than I am.
And my sister was a big part of my life and who I am. Big time.
The last six weeks of her life were a game changer for me. Humbling.
It is difficult for me to write about it or even think about it yet.
I knew Suz was dying. I don't know exactly why, but I knew.
It is going to take me a while to process her death, but in the meantime, I know for an absolute fact that Sue wants me to be happy, enjoy life and carry on and all that.
And I am and I will.
But I will take the time to grieve when those waves wash over me. You might have to read about it here, but I know you will  understand.
Especially if you have lost someone you love.

Sad September

It was a difficult September this year. Probably the worst ever for me.
Sue, my dear devoted, kind, loving, generous, caring and funny sister died on September 15th.
Dear Lord,  I miss her.
I have tried several times to write about it. When I say "it", I mean her death. It is almost impossible to process that Susie is gone. I have two half-written posts that I was going to try and finish, but words aren't adequate.

Here is one of those posts that I began on Thursday, September 18th:
"When I woke up on Monday morning, I thought about it being the birthday of three special ladies in my life: my niece Lauren, my dear friend Lynn and my favorite 80 year old Ellen. I was trying to come up with a clever, meaningful post for Facebook to wish them all happy birthday. I kept thinking, wow, September 15th, what a great day to be born because these three ladies are all very strong, loving women.
As it turned out, September 15th is also a good day to die. My strong, loving, brave sister Sue went to heaven on Monday around 3:30 pm.
I still cannot believe how the day unfolded. God's hand was in every moment of it.
Susie had a doctor's appointment at 4 pm and Jenny and I were going to take her. Jenny arrived at Sue's around 1 pm, got her lunch, took Sue's car for its emission test, did some housework...you know, the everyday busyness that needs to be attended to. Around 3:15, Jen went up to Sue's room to tell her that I was on the way and asked what time she wanted to leave for the doctor appointment. Sue was getting ready, doing her hair, putting on makeup. Jenny went back downstairs, washed some dishes, then went back upstairs to see if Sue needed anything.
Sue had collapsed on her bed. She was gone.
Jenny called 911. The fire station is about 5 blocks away. I was heading up the street and had to pull over for the fire department lead car.
I knew in my heart where it was headed.
I just knew.
When I pulled up, Jenny was in the front yard, her phone in hand.
She looked at me, crying, and said, "Sue's gone".
I ran inside, up the stairs,  because the paramedics were not there yet.
Dear sweet Jesus. My sister. Bella, her Newfie, was by her side, not barking, just there. Bella didn't leave her side."

How incredible that Susie died in her room, on her bed, with Jenny downstairs and me a few blocks away. And of course, with Bella by her side. Also, her best friend, Karen, had a dear friend from out of town visiting, so when Karen heard the news, she had Joanne with her and Joanne stayed with her for the next three days. God was there for all of us when He called Sue home.
God is so good.
It was less than three years ago that my mother died in that same house, in her own bed, with Sue, Jenny and me there.
Amazing.
I know that my whole family has gotten so much comfort from the memories that Susie's friends and coworkers have shared. Sue was loved and cherished by so many people and that legacy will live on. And I hold on to my belief that there are things far worse than death and that Suz is now at peace with all those who we love and have gone before us.
God is great.

Suz and me, taken by Abbie Aug 2014

Out of the rut Saturday

Today was one of the most beautiful days of the year. Cool. Blue skies. Sunshine. Somewhere between summer and fall. And we had an out of the rut kind of day planned.

Jack and I needed to meet up with Wayne to deliver tickets for the Bears game tomorrow. My dear sweet sister Suz is missing the first opening day in 32 years. Sue has had Bears season tickets for that many years; the tickets were willed to her by a grateful patient that she had cared for. Sue is still struggling with pain and mobility issues and decided she would not go to the game tomorrow. Wayne and Kjell are going in her place. She will be well represented.

I got the tickets from Sue yesterday and  Jack and I offered to deliver them to Wayne in the city. Wayne suggested we meet for lunch and then go to see the apartment where he and Julie will be living. We decided to make it an out of the rut Saturday and invited Jack's dad, too!

It was a great day. 

We picked up Bucky around 11:45 and reminisced as we drove down the Dan Ryan expressway (did you know that Jack and his family drove on the Dan Ryan the very first day it was open, back in the 60s?) We had lunch at Marge's Still in Old Town with Wayne, Julie, and Jocelyn, one of Julie and Wayne's BFFs. The food was super slow in coming out, but we had  fun visiting. After lunch, Julie and Jocelyn had to scoot to get to a yoga class. Wayne took Jack, Bucky and me to see the new apartment. It is charming, in one of those 3 flat brownstones. It has crown molding, beautiful light fixtures, marble fireplace, and a parking spot! I think it will be a lovely first residence for the newlyweds. While we were in the vicinty, we also drove by the house where Jack's Aunt Toots lived (don't you love that name, Toots?) A trip down memory lane :)
What a great way to spend a Saturday, with remembering the past, enjoying the present and looking forward to the future.

Wayne, Julie, Jocelyn, Bucky and Jack

Aunt Toots' house

Wayne and Kjell will represent Suz well