Marmar was Home for Christmas

I still cannot believe it. Marmar died last Wednesday night, December 21st around 7:15 pm. Seriously. Cannot believe it.
Marmar had not been feeling well the few days before she died. One of her last voice messages to us was on Friday, December 16th, the evening of Mike's funeral. She was very disappointed to not be able to go to Mike's wake or funeral; Mom could very much identify with Marie and Bill (Jack's folks) and wanted to express that to them in person. I went out for my usual Sunday visit (December 18th) and Marmar was feeling blue. She was bumming over the fact that she had not yet done anything for Christmas. We made a list of things that she wanted to have done and I assured her that Jenny would come out on Thursday and help her knock some of those things off the list. On Monday and Tuesday, Marmar kept saying that she felt like she had the flu. Late Wednesday morning, while I was at work, Jenny and I both received texts from Sue (who was also at work) saying that Mom was dehydrated. Rose (Marmar's caregiver who was with her from 8-noon weekdays) was pushing  gatorade and water; if that didn't work, Sue said we would probably need to get Marmar to the hospital for IV fluids. Jenny and I both said we would come out that afternoon. I went out there straight from work, arriving around 4. Marmar was in bed, which was a red flag that something was wrong. The second red flag was that she did not want her daily 7 and 7. I said to her, "Ok, Mom, now you've got me worried!".:) She just wanted to sleep (who doesn't when you have the flu?). I muted the TV and turned out the lights and went downstairs. Jenny arrived a few minutes later. We went through the mail and pulled out the newly arrived Christmas cards. We headed upstairs to check on Marmar. She was awake, so happy to see Jenny and wanted to read the cards. We read them together, got her some ice chips and then helped her to the bathroom. It became clear that it was more than the flu. Sue came home from work in the middle of it all...thank God, because clearly, I am not a nurse (that became crystal clear). We got Mom back in bed and that's when things began to change. Marmar's breathing changed, her eyes looked different. I was laying on the bed next to her, Jenny was kneeling by the bed, we were both holding her hands. Mom looked past me at something. She let go of my hand and reached up as if she were going to go take someone else's hand. Jenny asked me to go get Sue, who was starting a load of laundry.  One look at Mom and Sue knew that Mom was dying. It was surreal. I was just there to help get her some fluids! What the heck? We prayed with her...the Lord's Prayer/Our Father, Hail Mary (that prayer has been working overtime lately). About ten minutes later, Mom came back! She wanted to know what time it was, she wanted us to go home so we wouldn't be driving in the dark, she worried that we were too tired (Mom was a certified worry expert). We asked her if she had seen  Pawp, Tom, Dane and Marcia and she said yes...who knows, we may have been putting words in her mouth. Marmar said she did NOT want to go to the hospital. She was uncomfortable, but not in great pain. She wanted an ice pack for her back and asked me to rub her back for her. Sue noticed that her feet were dirty and brought a towel and soap and water and very tenderly washed them. How biblical was that. Oh my gosh. Mom wanted to sleep some more. Jenny, Sue and I went down to the kitchen and made some plans. We put a call in to her doctor, who was not on call. The answering service said that the doctor on call would call us back. As we waited for the call (that never came btw), we discussed options. Sue's expert opinion was that we should ask for hospice services. We were avoiding the hospital, per Marmar's request. I went back upstairs to check on Marmar and she was awake. She said she wanted to go to the bathroom and I asked her to wait til I got Sue and Jenny to help, because she was so weak. Marmar said she was fine to walk on her own, but she waited for the three of us. As we were helping her, Sue, with her great sense of humor, was saying something about us being crazy girls. Mom looked at us and said "but very lovable". And those were her last words. As we helped her back into bed, she went limp and then a few moments later, took her last breath. WHAT????? I really could not believe it. I could not wrap my brain around the fact that this was really happening and also thatGod would be so good and loving and kind that He would allow all three of us to be there with Mom at her moment of death. It has not been often in the last several months that Sue, Jenny and I were all there at the same time (think tag team). How awesome is our God that He gave all of us that gift??? Sue, Jenny, me and most importantly, Marmar.
The last few days have been all about processing two deaths in the span of 9 days. And celebrating the birth of Jesus. God is good. And Marmar was home for Christmas, in the truest sense of the word.